Mr Crow

Mr Crow's an actor. He’s got the most amazing singing voice. His occasional dances can put the most weightless moonwalker to shame. Mr Crow stays in an imaginary home, where the roof pours when it rains.

People say Mr Crow has a drinking problem. But if you ask me it is no problem at all. Although, Mr Crow’s often seen staggering out of the city’s most expensive (and on bad days, crummiest) watering holes, he's never embarrassing. Because when he’s drunk, the actor in Mr Crow comes out to play. At such times Mr Crow is like an inflatable dummy into which compressed air has been pumped. If Mr Crow’s fans had their way they’d keep him constantly soused, intravenously if need be.

An orphan, Mr Crow grew up in a foster home. Even as a toddler, he wasn’t quite one of the Sparrows. The bookwormish and opinionated Mr Sparrow was often heard berating his wife for her unbridled maternal passions. But Mrs Sparrow never once doubted her decision, made in the quiver of a clock hand, to bring home the wailing and abandoned Mr Crow to their cosy but childless home.

It was a difficult childhood (isn’t it for all actors?) but Mr Crow didn’t do too badly. He left home when Mrs Sparrow died in a storm. It wasn’t as if he hated Mr Sparrow but life at the Sparrow home wasn’t the same after Mrs Sparrow’s passing.

From there on Mr Crow’s life was a series of self-taught crash courses. Life at the cosy Sparrow home hadn’t quite prepared him for life in the outside world. But Mr Crow was naturally wired to learn. He had after all learned to be one of the Sparrows without having been born to them.

The first thing Mr Crow taught himself was to change his natural voice. While growing up, Mr Sparrow had never let him forget how bad he sounded. So out went his old voice and in its place came the rehearsed voice of a born charmer.

Next to go were his clumsy movements. He taught himself how to measure his steps, keep time with his feet and slither his body through the turbulence of taped music. Soon Mr Crow had the moves and the rhythm.

Finally, the city's mean streets taught Mr Crow the art of keeping clean feet while navigating sticky, muck-laden puddles.

Today, many of Mr Crow’s fans love him because he’s taught them the importance of clean feet and watering holes.


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